


It's Okay to Hurt

by CarylDixonandGrimes (FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN)



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: I cried when i wrote this, It is not clear who died or who lived, M/M, Songfic, ambiguous death, but one of them is gone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 00:49:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8182556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN/pseuds/CarylDixonandGrimes
Summary: This story takes place nearly a decade into the future.  Rick and Daryl are in an established relationship, and one of our fair duo has passed away.  The death is ambiguous in that I do not state who died or who is standing at the grave.  And you'll notice song lyrics throughout, that served as my inspiration.  And yes, before you start flinging flaming bags of dog poo at me, this story did make me cry.  My heart may be small, and made of stone, but it's still there...





	

_ how can I help you to say goodbye, it's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry _

 

He stood before the gravestone with a fistful of wildflowers in his hand.  He felt awkward and alone, standing in the barren graveyard as the crisp fall wind kicked up the leaves.  The earth was still turned up and fresh, the grass not yet grown over, and probably wouldn’t until next spring.  It was too cold for things to grow.  The chill in the air matched  the chill in his heart as he bent down and ran his fingers over the engraving on the marker stone.  He ran his finger over each letter of the name, dates of birth and death.  Beloved Husband.  Eugene had spent countless hours carefully tapping out the letters into the stone, making sure that it was just right for the man that had left a lasting impression on him.  Eugene made sure that the marker was made from just the right stone, and was placed just so at the grave itself.

“I talked with Carl the other day....” he spoke, the wind carrying his voice away. “He hasn’t been here yet, but his injuries are healing up nicely, and I know he wants to come pay his respects…”

He was struggling. Words didn’t always come easy, but when it mattered he was usually able to come up with something to inspire strength and willpower.  But with the loss of his beloved, words failed him.

“I know you said… you said I could do this, but… we have been a team for so long now, I don’t know how to go it alone anymore.  Don’t want to.  Don’t got much… choice, now do I?”

He pulled his jacket a little tighter around himself, his arms crossing over his chest as the sun began to sink into the horizon, taking it’s warmth with it.  Rocking back and forth between his two feet, the lyrics of that song came to mind that had been whispered into his ear in those last hours of his beloved’s life.  

  
_ Time will ease your pain, Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same. _

 

“Wish I could hold you, one last time.  Wish we had one more day.  If I’d know that this was it… Shit.  There’s so much more I would’ve said.  Or done. Or… fuck.”  He rubbed his hand over his forehead trying to brush away the feeling of impending tears.  His throat already thick with emotion, and raw from the numerous times over the course of any given day that he succumbed to those tears.  Nights were hardest, when he had to put Judy to bed alone.  When he went back downstairs afterwards because he wasn’t quite ready for sleep, and the couch was empty.  No warm body to lean into, no arm draped over his shoulder and pulling him in tight.

“Maggie still comes by every day.  Carol, and her damn casseroles…  I had to tell ‘er to stop making them, and then she got on my ass about losing weight, and how I gotta start taking care of myself better cuz I got a family to raise, and-,” he shook his head trying to deny or shake away the fact that his partner in life was gone.

“How am I supposed to do this without you?  I never told you how much I relied on you.  Just havin’ you by my side helped keep me on the straight and narrow.  Helped me to focus.  And now?  My damn head is all over the place, and I feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doin’ from one minute to the next.”

“Judy is gonna be 10 next month.  She’s already getting all hormonal, full of piss and vinegar.  What am I supposed to do when she’s a teenager and a hundred times worse?  Or, when she gets married someday?  You and I promised we’d both walk her down the aisle.  And marriage advice?  Shit… Carl comes to me with that crap every now and then, says he was inspired by us, but…”  A shrill chuckle spilled out at the ridiculous thought.  He shook his head, taking a few steps back, finally pacing back and forth slowly with his eyes on the ground.

 

_ It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to cry _

 

“We had a future, dammit.  We were supposed to have more time.  This was too soon.  It ain’t fair.   _ It ain’t fucking FAIR. _ ”  His shoulders were so filled with tension that even cocking his neck from side to side and rolling his shoulders did nothing to relieve the ache. It would be like this for a long while, forever possibly.  And the guilt, oh the guilt would follow him to the grave for sure.  They had gone out together to check the snares.  The same way they had done it for nearly a decade.  Yet they were so caught up in their own conversation, they failed to see the decaying walker laid out on the ground by a rotting log.  One step over said log toward the snare, and those rotting arms raised up, grabbed ahold of a leg, and bit clean through the pants before it could be dispatched with a knife to the skull. It took all but thirty six hours for the fever to burn, and snuff out life.

 

_ Come let me hold you, and I will try... _

__

They had lain in bed, and held each other even as members of their family had come through and paid their respects.  They’re hands intertwined.  At the end it was just the two of them, the dying man tucked into his chest despite the heat that just rolled off the body.  And when the breathing stopped, and the heartbeat stilled, he had looked down to see those dead eyes still open, still filled with tears.  A knife to the temple, and he ran his fingers over the eyes, shutting the lids forever.

“I miss you…”  He laid the wildflowers down in front of the grave marker, and stood back up.  The wind picked up enough to tousle his hair, and he raised his nose to the breeze breathing deep.  For a moment, he thought for sure he picked up his partner’s scent, and the subtle touch of finger tips across his palm.  And as quick as it was there, it was gone.  His lip trembled a moment, and a tear spilled down his cheek, “Thank you,” he whispered.  He kissed his fingertips, and touched them to the marker.  The sun sank below the horizon, and he pulled his jacket tighter around himself, and began the long walk home.  Alone.

_...whispered softly, Time will ease your pain _

_ Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.


End file.
